They Let Us Play With Markers, But I Kept Trying To Draw Infinity...

All Time Low - I can't believe I'm jut now getting into these guys. Where have they been all my life? I've also promised myself that I am going to meet them this year.

Automatic Loveletter - They write beautiful music and beautiful lyrics to go along with it. Juliet Simms has an amazing voice and a badasss lip ring. (I love girls with lip rings. I'm getting one <3) Ironically, my favorite song by All Time Low, "Remembering Sunday," features Juliet :)

A poem I just wrote literally like two minutes ago.

The only words that ever mattered...

"I love you."

He whispers in her ear. A tear running down her cheek is stopped short with a kiss. From the cheek to the lips. Their fingers intertwine and the whole world is at peace.

The months pass and her heart becomes heavy with sorrow. Crashing against her chest with every beat. Now his memory is lost in the dark depths of her soul and she longs for the days when the only words he spoke to her were...

"I love you."

The only words that ever mattered.

Thoughts? Suckish? Yeah, little bit. In my opinion anyay. Hey, it's 1:30 in the morning and I wrote this in like five minutes.

I love you.

<3

Well I was just on Ashley Greene's Myspace. She's the one who plays Alice Cullen in the upcoming Twilight movie. Well anyway, someone left a comment on her profile picture saying she was one of the prettiest girls they'd ever seen. I had to agree. But then again there are a lot of girls I look at ad think Wow. She's one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen. Well I was trying to remember them all and I have a few of them down...

Ashley Greene -  I mean, look at her!

Audrina Patridge -  Hey, just because I think she's pretty doesn't mean I like her personality.

Taylor Swift -  Her music is the only country music I'll listen too. She has an amazing voice too!

Lyn-Z -  Ahh, Lyn-Z, my first girl crush. She's such a heartthrob. That Gerard is one lucky bastard.

Katy Perry -  I must confess, I loved "I Kissed A Girl" and "Ur So Gay." Now "Hot N Cold" is my favorite song ever. Oh, Katy, how I adore you. Hey! I think Gabe's missing a purple hoodie!

Demi Lovato & Selena Gomez -  Okay, sorry all you Disney Channel haters, but these two are quirky, fun, and so sweet.  Plus, they're ultra gorgeous. They both have awesome voices and don't talk like they have a retainer in their mouth cough Miley cough. Also, they're a way better influence on little girls than Miley Cyrus. I mean, the worst they got is this -  And that was when they were at some pool party in their swin suits not their undies. Plus, they don't make videos of themselves on pot making fun of other people. Observe: http://youtube.com/watch?v=vib-NN-Ujzo&feature=related

Yeah well that's about all I got. I'll probably update this if I think of some more. Thoughts?

So I'm sure you've all heard the news of the rough draft of Midnight Sun getting leaked. Well Smeyer is thoroughly pissed. Okay, I understand that, but she doesn't have to be a bitch about it. What the Gustavo?! (Ya know? From Breaking Dawn...) I mean, what crawled up her ass. She said that Midnight Sun will indefinitely be on hold because she's too upset over what's happened. Smeyer, it's not the end of the world. No need to revoke our Midnight Sun privileges. Well, the good copy anyway. Yeah she posted the rough draft on her website basically saying "Fuck it. If you guys are so eager to read the damn book then HERE! I hope you enjoy it in all it's unfinished crappiness," knowing full well everyone would read it since we're not getting the good copy 'til God knows when!

Some writers, I tell ya. They get one best seller and then they become divas.

Mmm...writing these journals to get my frustration/anger/sadness out is very therapudic.

I tried to let go. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't meant to be. I tried to push you away, to tell myself I didn't want you anymore. Who was I kidding? I met you when I was three. I fell in love with you when I was five. How could I tell myself that all those years were a waste? I couldn't believe it. I never did, no matter how much I wanted to.Things are different now and I can feel it in my bones, feel it coursing through my veins, feel it eating away at me like a disease. Things are diferrent now and they can never be the same. I know that. I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. It's pointless. I can't ask you to come back. Because you don't know. You never realized that you were ever gone. You never realized how it was hurting me, how it felt to talk to you every day, to see your face and not be able to reach out and pull you close to me or to press my lips to yours. You never knew...

Basically, I'm just typing out all my frustration here so no comments are necessary. This is more for me.

I waited out the long mundane summer months to see your face again. Now that you're here you seem more distant than before. I miss how we used to be, when it was you and me and I felt whole. Now I know there's a piece missing. I smile and laugh, but it's all a front. One I wish you could see through. I wish you could see through my fake smile, but at the same time I don't. I know it would cause me too much pain. How are we supposed to fix the problem then? "I don't talk to him much anymore," I say and brush the thought off as if it were nothing. She shrugs and agrees. I don't want it to be like this anymore. My head was filled with worry wondering if you were with her or if you were really making the whole thing up. I know I should be grateful that I have you here with me. That's all I should need or care about right? I know I'm a little selfish, a little greedy, but I miss you. I can't say you're here with me until you really are. You're here, but you're distant, too far for reach. And all we do is keep to ourselves. I see there's a problem, but do you? Do you even care? Or am I just another girl you only give a passing glance too? How are things going to be? Am I still you're favorite or is she the only one now? I shouldn't be asking myself all these questions. If you would come back, if I could really see your face again I know I'd be whole. I want to be whole again. Can things really be the same again? Can we really go back to how it used to be, when we were young and without a care? Things seem so different now. So different that I don't know if they're ever going to be normal. I want that sense of normality again. I want you. Why can't you see that? I really, truly do love you.

So I gave in and got a Myspace so I could talk to my friends from school. Well then I tried to get a Paramore Myspace background, but it won't change my background from the original one I picked to the new one. It's very frustrating. This is why Buzznet is fifty gazillion times better than Myspace.

On a happier note, Brittany is back! Yay! Brittany, I missed you!

Chapter 5: Isle Esme (Hot lovin'!)

It's sexy time for Edward and Bella in this chapter. They travel to Isle Esme, an island Carlisle had bought Esme for some occasion. (I'm too lazy to look back in my book and check.) Okay, an island is like the best gift ever. Seriously. Of course, none of the guys I ever date would ever have that kind of money so I'm screwed, but anyway....like I said sexy time. Yes, Eddie and Bella have dun dun dun SEX in this chapter! And can I just pause for a second and say that I find it very ironic that Smeyer put "Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin on her playlist for Book One because I had that one song stuck in my head throughout this whole book. Anywho, back to the sex...Did they like start doing it on the beach and then move to the bedroom? She never specified. And also, did Bella just come out on the beach naked or what? 'Cause she didn't have a towel on and she didn't like the undies Alice had packed for her. Yeah, basically I'm just pointing out all the flaws in this chapter. Bella said she thought it was best to shave her legs before she got in the water with Edward. Everyone knows you're not supposed to shave right before you get in the water because the salt water makes it burn. Yet Bella seemed perfectly fine. Also, I'm just gonna go ahead and say I'm very dissapointed they Smeyer didn't give us a detailed description of Edward's naked ass. I was so looking forward to that too. I mean, throw us a bone here, Stephenie. Nothing? Not even on his sparkle p33n? Tisk tisk. Okay, now for the jokes.When Bella woke up covered in bruises...and feathers...and they were discussing what happened all I could think was "Damn, Edward, you bruised her. You like it rough, don't you?" Then when she asked why she was covered in feathers he said it was because he bit a pillow. A pillow? Really? Because that's SO attractive. And, I mean, wha purpose did biting a pillow serve anyway? Did Smeyer just throw that in there for comedic affect? If so, it worked. Now everytime someone mentions feathers I giggle. End sexy time.

I'm not gonna bother with Chapter 6 - whatever tonight because I'm tired. Hope you enjoyed my rant on Chapter 5!

Well I'm here to give my thoughts on Stephenie Meyer's latest book, Breaking Dawn, easily the crappiest book in the Twilight Saga. Just started going down hill from New Moon, didn't it, Smeyer?

Chapter 1: Engaged (Bella must be PMSing again or something. Stupid hormonal human girls)

So in this chapter Bella is whining (as usual) about her being engaged, having a totally awesome car, and Jake being lost. Oh boo-hoo I'm getting married to the sexiest guy in the world  and he bought me a really hot car that can actually go over fifty miles an hour. Yeah, save it, Bella. Do you have any idea how many screaming adolescent girls would kill to be you? Evidently, not. Then at the end of the chapter Bella's talking about going into her "happy place" with Edward. This makes me picture her as a deranged lunatic in a big white, cushioned room with a straight jacket on rocking back and fourth chanting "Must go into happy place." That's right, Bella, you crazy retard, you. You tell those spiders. They can't make you tap dance. (Harry Potter humor. Ten points to whoever gets that reference.)

Chapter 2: Long Night (Woo! Take it off!)

Chapter two starts off with Edward and Bella macking on eachother. Then Edward puts an end to it before they get too freaky. What else is new? So then Jasper and Emmett show up to party with Edward at his bechelor party. Before they leave Bella asked Jasper if they were taking Edward to a strip club. Jasper said they were only taking him hunting. Psh. Nice lie, Jazz. And by nice I mean crappy. Shut up. They took him to a strip club. You know it. Then they probably bought some hookers. Only they expensive ones for the Cullens, though. You know, the ones you have to pay ten bucks an hour for. So sorry Bella, but it looks like you're not the one Edward lost his virginity to. Anyway after Jasper, Emmett, and Edward leave to go "hunting" Bella falls asleep and has this weird dream of the Volturi all crowded around something. So she goes to investiate and it's a little boy sitting by her friend's dead bodies. Creepy, huh? Shaa. End chapter two.

Chapter 3: Big Day (Yay! Sparkling weddings filled with ~*dazzle*~and joy!)

It's Edward and Bella's big wedding day and you know I really had high hopes for this part of the book, but alas, Smeyer let me down. I'm pretty much gonna skip over this chapter because not much really happened. But first, I'm sorry, ONE bride's maid? ONE?! Well, I'm sure Rosalie, Angela, and Jessica were very appreciative. Moving on...

Chapter 4:  Gesture (Look! Fido came back! What a smart puppy!)

So Bella and Edward are dancing, getting there groove on, and then Jake cuts in. That's right. Jake. Yep. He came back. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I was ecstatic when Jake came back! Honestly, I missed him for the five seconds he was gone in Breaking Dawn. Anyway, Jake walks in and everything's going smoothly until Bella tells him she's gonna be changed soon or something. Then he freaks and starts causing a scene. Big shocker. Then as the rest of the pack boys are taking him away he says he's gonna kill Edward. Really, Jacob? Death threats? Okay, you've reached a new low.

Yeah, I'm gonna stop here because I'm tired. So bye.

Wow. Never thought I'd say that. But anyway I started school again today. I was actually excited to go back, but then again isn't everyone on the first day? i barely got to see any of my friends this summer so I was thrilled to catch up with them and everything. Except now, I can't carry ANYTHING. My doctor won't let me because he doesn't want me too put too much strain on my back. I hate not being able to do things for myself. I'm very independant. But my friends are all sweethearts (most of the time) and they were all offering to carry my stuff. Also, I can't have ay kind of physical education for the first semester, but I'm not too bummed about that. I'm so not athletic.

Also, yesterday I got Paramore's "All We Know Is Falling" album. I can't stop listening to it. I listen to it on the way to school and coming home from school and to the grocery store and just about any other place you could think of. It's driving my mom crazy, but I know deep down she loves Paramore just as much as I do. lol.

Well, anyway how was your day? Was it totally radical? Because mine was pretty suckish, but I won't go into detail.

I haven't slept in about 2 or 3 days.  And I have a crap load of stuff to do today including:

• Getting my haircut
• Shopping for a new backpack
• Washing the dishes
• Going to Target to buy "All We Know Is Falling"
• Doing the homework they gave us over the summer
• Finding my uniform for school
• Getting everything packed in my new backpack
• Straightening my hair for tonight
• Going to school for some open house thing
• And a bunch of other crap

I have to do all this on -72 hours of sleep. But who needs sleep anyway? It's so overrated.

The Twilight Lexicon has been hacked so now everyone has to re-register on the message boards. Well, I tried that, but they're still working on getting the forums fixed up so it won't even let me do that! I must say, whoever hacked the ite needs a nice ass-kicking. And, I mean, if they had some beef with Stephenie because they didn't like  how Breaking Dawn turned out couldn't they have just hacked her sight. I go to the Twilight Lexicon more than Stephenie's sight. Seriously, what did Alphie and Pel ever do to them? Nothing. My God, people did to grow up and get a life. Do they have nothing else better to do than make the Twilight Lexicon's moderators' lives a living hell? Guess not.

And that, my friends, is what grinds my gears.

Hey guys! I'm just checking in with you, but then I have to go. Ugh. It sounds like I'm on tour or something, doesn't it? Sorry I haven't been on lately. I've actually been using my fanfiction account more than this one. LOL.

Anyway, I miss you guys and I hope to be back soon!

XOXO Angie

P.S. OMG! Brittany! I had a dream and you were in it and so was William Beckett. It was awesome. Maybe I'll tell you about it later. Kthnxbye!

Yes, despite what you all may think I'm still alive. In case you guys are wondering my surgery went fine, but I had to go through hell when I was in the hospital. Seriously, I was in excruciating pain. I'm doing a lot better now and my pain is managable. I still have to take crap loads of pain meds, but that's okay.

I missed you guys soooo much and judging from the number of notes, messages, and comments I got while I was gone you guys missed me too!

Okay. Well I'll probably go take a nappy now so hopefully I'll get a chance to talk to you all soon. Bye!

XOXO Angie

So I know I said that I wouldn't be coming back on Buzznet for about a month, but well my computer just started working again and I still have two more days until my surgery. So first off, I'd like to say thank you to everyone for all your sweet comments. They really made me feel better.

Next, I'd like to ask you all for a bit of advice. So I'm sure many of you know that a while back I started cutting. Then I stopped for like a month, but then I started again. Well I'm really trying to quit this time and I've been doing pretty well.

Well before I decied it was time to really try and stop I had horrible scars alll up my arm. It's was like mutilated and almost sickening to look at myself. So one day I was at school in the restroom washing my hands and one of my friends had noticed the scars. She asked me what had happened and I lied and said my dog had scratched me, my usual excuse for lack of time to tink of anything better. She gave me a concerned look and then dropped the subject.

A few weeks later all the girls were hanging out in the restroom talking like the morons that we are. Then that same girl had come up to me and said "Angelica, I'm worrid you're cutting yourself." Then she rolled down my sleeve to expose the scars on my arm which hadn't healed yet and still looked pretty bad. Now keep in mind not everyone knew because I'd only told my closest friends. Everyone stood in shock and they wouldn't stop staring at my arm. I gave my usual lie, rolled down my sleeve, and stormed out of the restroom. I felt so upset and betrayed.

A while after that I confronted her about it and she said she felt bad about letting everyone know and she was only trying to help. She revealed to me that she cuts too. She still does. I began crying as I usually do when I talk about this subject and she wiped my tears away swiftly. I really thouht her and I could be friends now. She seemed so sweet, like she was really trying to help and she was really concerned about me.

Then a few weeks after that I end up in summer school. Just yesterday she said "Angelica, do you still...you know?" Obviously referring to my cutting myself. I said "No." and she said "Oh, because I was gonna give you a present." I asked to see the present and she held it out to me. It was a small metal razor blade. She told me "You said you used scissors and a compass. Razors work much better and they make you bleed more." That made me stop and think. Could this seriously be the girl who i thought was my friend? Who I thought understood me? The girl who wiped my tears away?

I asked her if she really condoning this and she replied with "Whatever makes you happy." I reluctantly accepted it and slid it in my bankbag. Fortunately, I returned it to her after school.

This morning she walked in and was actually showing off her cuts. That's right. Showing off. She had carved words into her arms and everything. I told her she almost sounded proud of it. She told me she was and that she hoped the scars never faded. Unable to wrap my mindround this I asked her why. She told me "Some people are ashamed of it and some people can accept it. I have learned to accept it."

Needless to say, I was seriously freaked out by this. I'm just not so sure I should be hanging around her anymore. What do you guys think?

I know I haven't been on much. I've been uber busy, but I probably won't be on much in the next couple of days either so this is me saying goodbye for now. I'll see you in a few weeks or so after I have my le surgery.

Bye! I'll miss you :(

-Angie <3

OH EM GEEZERZ! I just read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn and I loved it! It gave me a few LULZ, but a lot o it made me "AWWW!"

I know. I'm such a sap.

Go buy the Eclipse Special Edition and read it! You must!

I haz a new fic! Plz to be reading it if you want...

http://omgparafiction.buzznet.com/user/journal/2445641/ill-never-let-this-go/

plzkthnxbye

P.S Yes, I'm allowed to self-promote in my own blog because...well...it's my own damn blog. Just to clear things up.